1. |
Phone Call #1
02:56
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Well I talked to my mom last week, after two years I finally called her back. I was indifferent to most of what she said, but I told her about you when she asked me how I’ve been. She says that she’s proud of how I’ve turned out, and she swears that she won’t cry. But hearing my voice is so nice. I wonder if she’s heard those songs about her? I was so angry when she left my dad; destroyed my little brother and any chance my family had. But she says she loves me, and misses me so much. Well two years is two years and I guess I’ve had enough.
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2. |
Moonlight
01:46
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I am transforming into a recluse, hiding behind my bad jokes and ‘fuckyous.’ There’s a hint that I am not here. But you can find me, somewhere in the moonlight. Under cover of small kisses and the few things that I do right. Yeah, I’m avoiding. You can all go fuck yourselves, I will laugh my way to hell or wherever I end up. Don’t bother wishing me well, I’m making plans to leave you all behind. I’ve folded up my act. I’m never coming back.
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3. |
Graveyard
02:31
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Graveyard of my former friends I wonder, do you miss me? I heard you calling, haunting, but goddamnit if I was listening. I pushed you all away and made up songs about “my ghosts” then used them as excuses for the things I should have wrote. What makes me this way? Why am I afraid of the monster that I was? Look at the monster that I have become; I snarl and I stumble then I look the other way. I’m forever writing songs about how I’m “not okay” to avoid the greater issue of “how can I get better?” Graveyard of my former friends I’m sorry that we’ve weathered.
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4. |
Moby Dick
02:36
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You have set your anchor somewhere in the ocean. And I’m real good at swimming, but you didn’t leave a map of where you’d be. Once upon a time, before there was “you and I,” we made a pact to save one another. So I’ll set out blindly, but if I can’t find you, will you find me? Before I’m swallowed whole and “we” becomes “no more.” Oh Em, are you still my bestfriend? Will you still keep me from sinking? See I’m real good at swimming, but the ocean is a great big place. And I worry about the waves, and I worry you’re not safe. And I worry about myself, and these lonely nights at sea. If I can’t find you, will you find me?
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5. |
Bruises/Hands
02:13
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Bruises on my hands/I’m crying in my car. I’m saying I understand this is just “who we are.” I left a note on the table to remind you I’m still trying to be something you can count on. Because you are my whole life. From a kitchen floor a year ago, look where we are today. We are exhausted, and I’m crying in my car/bruises on my hands.
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6. |
Phone Call #2
02:15
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Get a call from my sister; hear the voice of my mother. She doesn’t want to open old wounds, but she might come home soon. And “I don’t know If that’s such a good plan” because I really think that might kill my dad. Because he still lives in the past, because he hasn’t moved on like we have. There’s still blood on those walls no amount of paint can cover up. And how am I supposed to leave, if she's supposed to come back? What if the kids still need me? Who’s gonna be there when they’re scared?
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7. |
August
02:18
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Since you’ve been sleeping on the old red couch I’ve been writing all my songs about how we’re dying, how miserable I am… again. I’ve spent August up till four am, anxious we won’t make it to Seattle. And start that little family of you and me and a puppy. The worth of my words grows small; they’re not heard, even though I’m shouting. I’m emptiness, resounding.
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8. |
For the Best
03:36
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I’ve got my eyes open wide, and they’re facing forward. After a year of discovery, I have discovered: I’m something. More than my past regrets, or the things I’m not yet, I know I’m still a monster but I’m making progress. I’ve found purpose since the apple orchard. You and me, and all our routines, is all I need to be happy. But you’re so scared of who you are, and how you might break us apart, that it’s “for the best” to leave, and stop while we’re ahead. But If you leave without me, who’s gonna kiss me in the mornings? If you leave without me, who’s gonna listen to my stories? If you leave without me, who’s gonna show me how the world works? So don’t leave without me, let’s see if we’re still compatible. Don’t be scared you’ll break my heart. I adore you for who you are. So sink or swim, I’m by your side. Let’s be best friends for the rest of our lives. It’s for the best.
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